This is my first blog post, a response to a Solitude Project
for Theology 2.
During this week I practiced silence and solitude for 5 different times in
various settings at various times of the day:
1/16 5:45am my house
1/18 12:15pm prayer closet in the Upper Room
1/19 2:30pm my house during kids’ nap time
1/20 3:30pm Upper Room
1/21 4pm my house during kids’ nap time
I found it very difficult to be quiet and still. I found
that my mind raced and was easily distracted and I often had to pull myself
back to trying to be open and listen to Holy Spirit. The first time I didn’t
listen to music or read or write or even fill the space with prayer but rather
I tried to dedicate the time to the Lord and sit quietly. And that first time
was a train wreck, I was tired and distracted and the same held true for the
next time (1/18 and again on 1/21) even though I changed the place and time. I
didn’t hear from the Lord, I didn’t sense Holy Spirit bringing anything to mind
and I didn’t walk away feeling like I had gained from the experience.
The next day (1/19) I took some time at the beginning to
focus on Colossians 3:12-14 which is a family verse. It gave me a place to
start and a place to refocus but again I tried to keep my mind on listening. Towards
the end of the time I felt that Holy Spirit brought the verse “Man makes plans
but God lays the paths” which is actually Proverbs 16:9 “In their hearts humans
plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.” And heard God
starting the conversation about how goal oriented I am and that I need to be
willing to follow Him and that my life and journey is not about success but
about following Him.
On 1/20 I spent some time in the Upper Room and received again
the word I have been thinking about for a few weeks, FULLNESS, the idea of
Fullness of
peace
Fullness of
joy
Fullness of
the Holy Spirit
Fullness of
life
Fullness of
presence
Fullness of
compassion
Fullness of
truth
This time was fruitful and beneficial and enriching.
I discovered a few things about what it means for me to be
silent and listening before the Lord. I need it not to be formulaic. I need to
be rested or I need to accept that sometimes He calls me away to Him to simply
sit and gain rest. It is ok to focus on a passage of Scripture and bring that
before Him. It is also good for me to be able to jot notes down, not go into
with the goal of writing pages but to be able to write down what I am hearing.
And finally that it is okay to try and have it not be what I expected. A posture of
listening is important and vital for me to continue to practice and
incorporate.
Cary- I can relate to being distracted and the mind going all over the place. I like how you were honest about having to spend your 30 minutes in different spots. You did what you could and I love that. I also love the verse you used. I heard once if you want to make God laugh you tell Him your plans. so that came to mind when I read it. Keep listing and obeying
ReplyDeleteCary, thank you for your vulnerability in sharing the "trainwreck" of your first time of solitude and silence. I love the journey God took you through during these 5 days of practicing solitude and silence. I found wisdom and insight in reading, "Is not about success but about following Him." I hope and pray you can continue in times of solitude and silence and be blessed by God.
ReplyDeleteCary I'd high five you if I could! I'm glad that I'm not alone feeling like it was a train wreck the first time I was alone with God. I love the part where you say that some times God calls you just to sit and rest, I've been learning the same lesson:)
ReplyDeleteThank you Cary for setting such an amazing example for our younger students. You model engagement, insight, and sensitivity to the voice of the Spirit. Bless you for fighting or solitude. God is blessing!!
ReplyDeleteThat is awesome! I like the "trainwreck!" I am convinced that there is value even in those times. And you continued to press on, and found that there are a number of ways you "hear" or relate to God. May you continue to find fruit, even in the times that aren't what you expected. I have a sense that there is so much there (in this exercise of solitude) for you!
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