Church Visit Project

            Because I often work on weekends and planned a trip to California over 2 Sundays in March I chose to remotely attend a church service online. I attended a Catholic Mass on catholictv.com. The worship was much about reverence for God and remembering what Christ did for us on the cross. Even on the set for an online service the decorations and attention to detail was beautiful, almost as if a small chapel were built so that they could allow people to attend a real mass in the comfort of their home. I’m sure they are catering to individuals who, for many reasons, are not able to attend a service in their own location.

The culmination of the service was the Holy Eucharist or communion where we were able to partake in and remember Christ’s redeeming work on the cross by taking His body and blood into our own body. This sacrament was explained and taken with such reverence and ritual. Since it was an online mass, there was an option to read/recite the following prayer for the  viewers at home: “My Jesus, I truly believe that You are present in the Sacrament of the Holy Eucharist. I love You above all things, and I desire to receive You. Since I cannot at this moment receive You sacramentally, come at least spiritually into my heart. I embrace You as if You were already there and unit myself wholly to You. Never let me be parted from You.”

            I am drawn to tradition and the ability to predict what is coming next and therefore enter into it fully. I love liturgy and recitation. I also appreciate that everyone everywhere reads the same portion of scripture, as well as that the mass always includes the Old Testament and the New Testament and the Holy Eucharist so that it is never far from our minds what Jesus did on the cross in order to bring us into relationship.

UNITY

We are the same.

We laugh.

We cry.

We mourn and grieve.

We dance.

We celebrate.

We feel joy and pain.

We eat pizza and chips and cupcakes.

We love our families and friends.

We go to Disneyland.

We toast at weddings.

We walk our babies into kindergarten.

We move out.

We get lost.

We find our way.

We fall in love.

We sing the blues.

We buy our first car, our first house, our first groceries.

We bounce checks and pay off loans.

We drink coffee.

We complain about homework.

We lose parents and grieve hard.

We find community and celebrate.

We lose babies and our hearts break.

We meet babies and our hearts grow.

We make new friends and are made better.

We are passionately beloved.

We are welcomed.

We are created in His image.

We are died for.

We are relentlessly pursued.

We are gifted.

We are redeemed.

We are glory-bearers.

We are drawn.

We are chosen.

We are the same.

“One of the most destructive mistakes we Christians make is to prioritize shared beliefs over shared relationship, which is deeply ironic considering we worship a God who would rather die than lose relationship with us.” – Rachel Held Evans

Identity: Who Am I?

     This week we were asked about our identity. We carried a card with an identity gap and then we spoke truth aloud about who we are as promised in the Bible. In all honesty, my identity gap didn’t come up this week. I wrote down that I have insecurity in regards to my friendship, I believe the lie that I am not worth the effort. The verse that spoke to me about that was John 15:15 which states that I am Christ’s friend. I think when I am lonely I need to remember this is true. This week however, I had some fun text conversations with friends. I was able to have some meaningful connections at church and in the community. And I was too busy to worry about not spending time with people. As I look back on this week I am thankful that God reminded me that I am not alone. Instead of reminding me when I was feeling down, He brought people into interactions to remind me that I am worth friendship and He has blessed me with some wonderful people in my life.


     In addition to this exercise, we had some readings this week. I was mostly intrigued by the reading by David Needham, The Wonder of Who You Are. The idea that we are already saints and that we are a new creation and that the old man is completely dead and gone is a different take for me. I look forward to reading it again and discussing it in class.

Humility

     In Philippians 2:5-11 we see that Jesus poured out his life for us with no thought of himself. He was the ultimate in humility and poured out himself for humanity. This week for Theology 2 we were to think of a project in humility and live it out for a week. In class I immediately thought of the fact that as a mom of 4, I am required to pour out my life daily and not think of myself. I feel that most of my time is spent taking care of these 4 little lives I have been entrusted with. However, I was also immediately convicted of my attitude and my willingness to serve. I wondered if I considered it a privilege to give my life and time to them.

     I determined that I would work to be conscious of my attitude and work to serve my family in a way that they saw that I considered it a joy. I found when I let the Holy Spirit have free reign over my attitude, I was often checked. I found that I tend to grumble doing the same things over and over in service, especially to my children. I know that when I live in a place of joyful serving then it affects all that I do and everyone I come into contact with. I feel incredibly blessed to be a mom to my children but that doesn’t always show to them. I want to be the kind of person who models Christ, thinking not of myself or my rights. When I grumble it says to my family that they are an inconvenience and a distraction from what I want to be doing. However, when I live the way that Christ did, it shows my children that I think they are worth it, that it is my pleasure and privilege to serve them and to be their momma, that’s what I wish to show them. 

You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.

Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to.

Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being.

When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal's death on a cross.

Philippians 2:5-8 (NLT)

Forgiveness

Our assignment in Theology 2 this week was this:

Take a few minutes and ask God to bring to mind a situation or relationship where forgiveness needs to be extended. If a situation comes to mind regarding someone you are offended with, or someone who might have an offense against you, apply forgiveness through the rose and/or the rock:

Rose: A situation and/or broken relationship that needs mending.

Rock: A situation and/or broken relationship that you don’t know what to do with.

I can think of a few specific times in the past 10 years when I have been specifically challenged and convicted about my unforgiveness in situations and friendships and have had the opportunity to confess that sin both to my Father and to the person I was holding bitterness towards. These experiences have resulted in healing and building up in the relationship itself, but the change was even more profound in me. I have found freedom and the ability to walk forward without the remembrances of past hurts weighing me down. I am thankful for the conviction and then restoration of the Holy Spirit.

We had the option of taking a rose and making amends in a relationship by going to that person and asking for forgiveness and reconciliation. I do have someone in my life that I perceive I have a broken relationship with, I’m not sure she would hold the same opinion. However, I have not felt convicted to bring up this brokenness because I feel that it would further damage the fragile truce we currently have. I have been hurt by things this person has said but I heard them through the grapevine and that isn’t always a beneficial pot to stir. In addition I have been working through the years on my reaction and the grace I display in the relationship and have listened to the Spirit’s promptings on my role and response and loving actions towards this person. I have felt that I need to change in this situation. I have also come to the realization that forgiveness extended to someone does not mean that I need to trust them with the deep parts of my soul. Sometimes we extend grace and love toward a person and yet don’t choose to make them a deep confidante. I have learned that truth through this situation.

In the end I took a rock and asked Holy Spirit to bring to mind any relationship that needed forgiveness or restoration. The relationship I ended up spending time examining was that of some family members. I struggle with comparison and getting my feelings hurt when I don’t get my way or when I perceive my way being belittled or insulted, or even when I feel left out or excluded. I recognize that in my family we have many strong willed and opinionated people and at many times I love and appreciate that. However, I can also get so irritated by the people I love the most. I have newly committed to building up, validating, and listening to the story/journey of these family members. I have also committed to believing the best about them and giving them the benefit of the doubt and for continuing to pray for them and their heartaches. These are people I would give my right kidney for, people I love with all my heart so it becomes my choice to walk in grace or to take offense. I choose grace and love and forgiveness, and again, in that choice I receive the freedom to enjoy and love and live out this life in a family unit with intact relationships and mutual support and appreciation for each other.

Solitude Project

This is my first blog post, a response to a Solitude Project for Theology 2.

During this week I practiced silence and solitude for 5 different times in various settings at various times of the day:

1/16 5:45am my house

1/18 12:15pm prayer closet in the Upper Room

1/19 2:30pm my house during kids’ nap time

1/20 3:30pm Upper Room

1/21 4pm my house during kids’ nap time

I found it very difficult to be quiet and still. I found that my mind raced and was easily distracted and I often had to pull myself back to trying to be open and listen to Holy Spirit. The first time I didn’t listen to music or read or write or even fill the space with prayer but rather I tried to dedicate the time to the Lord and sit quietly. And that first time was a train wreck, I was tired and distracted and the same held true for the next time (1/18 and again on 1/21) even though I changed the place and time. I didn’t hear from the Lord, I didn’t sense Holy Spirit bringing anything to mind and I didn’t walk away feeling like I had gained from the experience.

The next day (1/19) I took some time at the beginning to focus on Colossians 3:12-14 which is a family verse. It gave me a place to start and a place to refocus but again I tried to keep my mind on listening. Towards the end of the time I felt that Holy Spirit brought the verse “Man makes plans but God lays the paths” which is actually Proverbs 16:9 “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.” And heard God starting the conversation about how goal oriented I am and that I need to be willing to follow Him and that my life and journey is not about success but about following Him.

On 1/20 I spent some time in the Upper Room and received again the word I have been thinking about for a few weeks, FULLNESS, the idea of

            Fullness of peace

            Fullness of joy

            Fullness of the Holy Spirit

            Fullness of life

            Fullness of presence

            Fullness of compassion

            Fullness of truth

This time was fruitful and beneficial and enriching.

I discovered a few things about what it means for me to be silent and listening before the Lord. I need it not to be formulaic. I need to be rested or I need to accept that sometimes He calls me away to Him to simply sit and gain rest. It is ok to focus on a passage of Scripture and bring that before Him. It is also good for me to be able to jot notes down, not go into with the goal of writing pages but to be able to write down what I am hearing. And finally that it is okay to try and have it not be what I expected. A posture of listening is important and vital for me to continue to practice and incorporate.